Vigil
by IdaKnight
Summary: He couldn't accept the reality because the reality hurt to much. The reality was wrong. Post-finale fic, slightly angsty. Spoilers for Knockout. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
1. Vigil

**A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever and I am incredibly nervous about it. **

**Summery: He couldn't accept the reality because the reality hurt to much. The reality was wrong. Post-finale fic, slightly angsty.**

He sat by her head silently and studied her as he had done so many times before. He saw the shadows her eyelashes made on her cheeks, the light curls of her chestnut hair and her slender arms laying beside her.

He refused to see the I.V in her hand and the respirator making sure she breathed.

He couldn't accept the reality because the reality hurt too much. The reality was wrong. It was all wrong. It had to be wrong.

He wished this was one of his books because then he would know the ending, he would be able to change it. He was sure that the uncertainty of the situation would kill him. He kept running through what had happened in his head, plotting out key points. He was constructing a theory. Would she wake or not?

He had to believe she would. The world was impossible to handle if she didn't.

The beeping of her heart monitor soothed him. There were no skips, no stops. It continued on.

All of a sudden he had to get out of the room. It was too clean, too impersonal. She didn't exist here. Yes, she was here, but in a very important way she also wasn't. He had to go get her something. Something to make her want to wake up.

On his way to the gift shop, he caught sight of his reflection in a window.

He looked old. Old and tired. Worst of all, he looked hopeless. HIs eyes seems sunken into his face, dark holes where there used to be light. With a sigh, he turned away.

He bought her a stuffed bear. It was soft and huggable and brown and sweet. It smiled him. She would like it, he thought. So he brought it to her.

Her room was sparsely furnished. It was small and cramped with only a bed and a chair. There was no connecting bathroom. The rest of the space was filled with machines. Machines keeping her alive.

Sitting back down, he placed the bear by her side and he took her hand.

It had been four days. Four days after the shot went off in the graveyard. If it had been anyone else but her, he would have joked about saving time. Four days since she had lost vitals in the ambulance. Four days since the surgery. Four days since he'd wheedled his way into the hearts of every nurse and they let him stay. Four days since the fight with her boyfriend. The man had wanted him to leave. That was never going to happen. His hand still hurt from the blows he'd landed.

And four days since he'd told her he loved her. He hoped she remembered. He was terrified she would.

It was not silent in the hospital. Hospitals are never silent. There is always beeping, crying, walking, running, ringing and whispering. They are never silent. The noise didn't bother him now. He was lost in thought, staring at their linked hands. His, large and rough, hers small and pale.

So pale.

He forced himself to think of her happy. Of all the times they had spent together. He squeezed her hand.

He stopped thinking entirely when the hand he was holding twitched.

Then, it tightened.

Clutching it back, he murmured to her, urging her to open her eyes.

And for the first time in four days, Richard Castle allowed himself to hope.

**A/N: I may have a second chapter from Becketts POV. It depends if you want it.**


	2. Lifeline

**A/N: I wasn't sure whether to update this or not. I finally decided to just go with my gut. I hope you enjoy this! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. No copyright infringement intended. **

The darkness was impenetrable. For the first while it had been a blinding white and everything had hurt. But now that light had receded and it was black.

Now, light was coming again, but it was different. It didn't light up her surroundings or glow. It just was. It was as if spots of white had suddenly been coloured on a sheet of paper.

But they were coming closer. There was no sense of time where she was. Time just happened. Sometimes it seemed to go by fast and others slow. She wasn't sure though. She was judging off the movements of the lights.

She didn't mind the lights. She was indifferent to them. The fact that they were drawing closer and closer did not concern her.

As they drew closer, she noticed a change. There was an ache in her chest and a feeling of unease. It was at these times she felt something was wrong. The place was not right. She had to be somewhere else, she had to remember something. These feelings never lasted long. Once the lights got too close, something would push them away and she would forget why she had felt so uneasy.

She noticed that the lights weren't receding as far. She noticed they were coming closer, close enough to touch her. They all seemed to flock to her chest, right over her heart. But they didn't touch.

The ache in her chest didn't leave now. She forgot what it had been like without the ache.

The lights touched her. Agony exploded through her chest and paralyzed her. At that moment she knew she had to get out of here, she had to escape. She struggled but nothing happened. She could hear her heart beat, a fast paced beeping, in her ears. There was muffled yelling, she couldn't understand what the voice was saying but it was familiar. She felt a light prick on her arm and the lights were forced back to the size of pinpricks. Her pain was gone and she forgot the voice.

The lights soon drew close again. The ache in her chest returned. She wanted to escape.

She tried to run away from the lights but her feet were stuck in place. Her struggling grew more frantic as the lights, seeming to sense her discomfort, came in quickly. She couldn't move. She was certain the light was going to kill her. A sob tore from her throat.

Then there was a pressure on her hand.

Suddenly, she remembered what she was missing, who she was missing. She realized that she had been numb this whole time in the darkness. She could feel again.

She knew she had to get out. But how?

She noticed a hole in the darkness near her hand. The pressure seemed to have opened it up. She couldn't explain how, but she knew it was her way out. With great effort, she put her hand through. Praying it would work, she twitched her hand.

She felt it move. She let out a sigh of relief and started to pull her way through, using the pressure as a lifeline. She felt resistance, as if the dark place didn't want her to leave. But she continued pulling herself out, ignoring the discomfort.

She knew she was out when the darkness became lighter, less oppressive.

A beeping filled her ears. Her lungs expanded, but she did not do it. A hand clutched hers and she clutched it back frantically.

Then, for the first time in four days, Katherine Beckett opened her eyes.

**The End**


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